I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
