every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
