naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
