There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
