I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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