Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
