you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
