it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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