i already hear my dad disowning me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize