ugly people sure do ruin things
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
