he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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