i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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