I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize