I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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