There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
