we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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