peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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