D3 body, D1 cock
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
