my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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