I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
