She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize