My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
