Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
sick fucks of a feather flock together
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
