i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
