Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
