Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
