if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
