then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
