Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
