Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
