he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
