Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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