i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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