she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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