apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
