That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
