I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
