Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
