She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
