I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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