Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
