24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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