I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
