you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
