Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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