Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
