so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
