I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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