i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
