i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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