i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
did you just send me my own nude
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
