My cat gives me a boner
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
