Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
North Korea, Best Korea!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i will never coherently bang her
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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