im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
