chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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