It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
