I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
