Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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