2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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