So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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