and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
