6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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