he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
