i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
