Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
