peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
