At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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