I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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