I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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