bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
