Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize