"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
