Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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