He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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