You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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