Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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