so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
