he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
